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There’s an art to influencing others, whether it is a room of people or a potential client in that first, crucial, one-on-one meeting. Influencing – and the skills needed to achieve it – are essential for every architect.

The good news is that there are tactics and techniques that can be readily learnt and practised whatever your personality type, says Miles Cherry, founder of drama-based training and coaching company, React: Acting for Business.

However, like any concept, there are guiding principles behind the art of being a successful influencer, which reference other skills like empathy, assertiveness, and the ability to withstand conflict.

Applying the push and pull model of influencing

The guiding principles of learning new influencing skills centre around push and pull traits.

The 'push-pull' influencing model is defined as moving a person from one position to another – or the ability to affect attitudes and behaviours – without using any formal authority.

A more assertive approach, pushing relies on a person telling another explicitly what they want. Pulling, on the other hand, is defined as one person asking another what they want. This is a more empathetic approach.

There is no right or wrong way to help influence a person or situation. Balance is key as well as an awareness of what style a particular situation requires.

Getting assertiveness right

The risk with push techniques, of course, is that assertiveness – a learned behaviour - can easily go too far and be perceived as mild aggression, or even not so mild aggression.

"Assertiveness is not an easy thing to get right," Miles says. "It’s about respecting the rights of the other person, but also remembering that you may have legitimate interests as well and are looking to satisfy both parties."

One technique to consider is to make a clear, simple statement of what you would like to achieve at the outset of a discussion. However, go too far the other way and be too assertive in expressing what you want, and resentment could begin to emerge.

"If I have a debate with you, and all I did was push, push, push, you would be very irritated with me," he says. "In order for me to earn your respect and earn you listening to me, I’m going to have to demonstrate that I’m listening to you and that I appreciate your needs."

Empathy is a core influencing skill

Using empathy while trying to influence someone is equally as important. Miles recommends that anyone who wants to improve their influencing skills employs a ‘seek first to understand’ approach.

"There is no point trying to influence an argument if you don’t understand where the other person is coming from," he argues.

To this end, React teaches ‘appreciative disagreement’ - empathising and demonstrating that you understand the position of the other person you are dealing with. Using appreciative disagreement is a hallmark of a mature communication style, emphasising empathy rather than trying to ‘score’ a point.

And this is an important point – Miles says that influencing is not about ‘winning’ or getting your own way. Instead, influencing is about getting a better outcome for both parties and moving a professional relationship forward in a positive manner.

Identify tradeables during negotiations

A skilled influencer will be happy to take a step back, change their position when they learn something new, and look for compromises. And this could mean having some ‘tradeables’ – things you are prepared to give away – in your back pocket.

"Accepting that it really does not matter if a door is painted one colour or another, for example, is a 'tradeable'," Miles says.

Having the awareness to accept there are tradeables in any negotiation is an important feature of influencing. In arguments, Miles notes, people often tend to latch onto sticking points that are not vital in the grand scheme of things. By doing so, the relationship can sour and the negotiation becomes stuck.

"Identify the really important points you really do need to negotiate over and that will help to prevent the relationship turning negative," Miles says.

Miles concludes by saying that having awareness – both of yourself and the other person – and taking a step back during negotiations is the key to becoming a good influencer. Listen and learn what another person wants and where they’re coming from and be willing to compromise.

Miles together with two actors will deliver an interactive online CPD session on ‘Influencing in Difficult Client Conversations’ at the °ÄÃÅÍõÖÐÍõ’s Guerrilla Tactics conference from 8 to 10 November.

Thanks to Miles Cherry, Executive Chairman, React: Acting for Business.

Text by Neal Morris. This is a Professional Feature edited by the °ÄÃÅÍõÖÐÍõ Practice team. Send us your feedback and ideas.

°ÄÃÅÍõÖÐÍõ Core Curriculum topic: Business, clients and services.

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